I Want to be a Parent, But I Will Probably [Maybe] Not Have Kids

If you have known me for a while [or 5 minutes] then you know that I have wavered on this subject quite a bit. When I was in my latter half of high school, I thought that I didn't want kids. I just was not convinced that I would be a good mother, and I didn't want to potentially give emotional problems to my hypothetical children. Then I fell in love with Christian and the closer we came to marriage, the more I thought I wanted kids because, well, that's what married people do, right? Then a few years later when we had no jobs and were living with parents, I just thought we would never be in a financial position that would make having children a responsible choice. Then, we were in beautiful Montana, we both had jobs and we were living on our own again [and a bunch of you were having the most adorable babies I have ever seen, and motherhood looked so sweet] and parenthood again looked like a grand possibility. And most recently, Christian and I were discussing our future, the future we believe the world is headed and how we felt about both during one of our evening strolls [I know, we're 80] and I don't think that I can reconcile the way we feel the world is headed and believe that it would be a responsible choice to have children.

photo via sheknows.com

I am definitely not one of those "love kids" type people. Most kids really annoy me, especially poorly parented kids [I absolutely cannot stand whining]. However, I love babies and toddlers and kids I actually know personally. And I do really want to be a parent. I want to give a child my best effort at a good childhood, and I think I would be pretty good at it. Parenting is something that I have analyzed [and continue to analyze] quite a bit. I think of what we would do on a daily basis. How I would teach them about life, responsibility and love in a positive light. I also think Christian would be a really awesome dad. He would be such a blessing of a parent to children. I think together we would make a great parenting team because we balance each other out pretty well. I would also like to have kids because people who don't are weird. They have odd relationships with their pets and have a very selfish sense about them. Christian and I are already sort of teetering on that edge with the kitties. I also think I would have a ton of fun playing, teaching and learning out on a small farm with children. Also, I do not want to deprive the world of the most adorable child that would ever walk its beautiful plains. Even Christian has come to a place where he swoons over every baby/toddler we see, sometimes he even notices the little ones before I do. Personally, our future looks good, but what about the future of the world and society?

Even if Christian and I can finish school, pay off the mountain of debt that school brings and find stable jobs in a place that is conducive to raising kids, none of that changes the direction that the world is headed. At the exact moment that I am writing this, the world population is 7,054,023,651. We are expected to hit 8 billion somewhere around 2027. For a frame of reference, in the 1950's [when my parents were born] the population was about 2.5 billion and in the 1980's [when myself and my peers were born] the population was about 4.5 billion. Now, it is not so much that I don't want to add to the outrageous population [although that is part of it], it's more that I am concerned about what happens as our population nears the earth's capacity. Food will likely become an issue, water will definitely become an issue. Right now 42.23% of the continental United States "is in a 'severe' drought or worse" according to this news article. The conspiracy nut in me knows that the powerful world leaders are aware of the population problem, and are working on a solution. However, the only solution for overpopulation is people dying. Lots of people. I don't know how "they" are going to accomplish that, but I don't think that an intentional epidemic is out of the question. I have not even mentioned the economic ramifications that all of this would cause, I will just quote Carl Safina [Ph.D in Ecology and professor] for this one: "Because forests, oceans, croplands, and water supplies are all being depleted by the number of people we have now, a grim logic appears irrefutable: As we add people, either everyone will get poorer on average, or the poor will get much poorer. Or the population will be adjusted in the usual way: with shortages, bullets, and bombs." That was an excerpt from this article. Now, do I want to intentionally bring children into this world so that they can experience all of this? I don't want my children to struggle their whole lives, and that is not to say that I don't want them to experience "reality." It's more that reality has just become so gloomy and opportunities so bleak. I understand that heartbreak, disappointment and hardships are all a part of life, but they shouldn't paint the whole picture.

Here is one of my main qualms: I cannot find a selfless reason to intentionally bring a child into this world. I have selfish and unselfish reasons for not having children, but I only have selfish reasons for wanting them. [Sorry, but giving our parents grandchildren does not count as a selfless reason].

I do have some personal concerns about not having kids, also. As I said earlier, many of the childless middle-aged people I have known are a little off [although some of them are incredible people]. Also, children bring a social life of their own. You meet other parents, teachers and neighbors a lot easier. Without children I think you have to be a lot more intentional about making friends and creating a rich social life. What does my marriage with Christian look like without children? Research shows that children have a unifying effect on marriage, overall. These are just some of the personal issues I can see coming up without children. However, none of these concerns are valid reasons to have children.

We have other options as well. I am all for adoption. I have wanted to adopt kids since I understood the concept. There are plenty of children already in this world that need loving parents. This would allow us to have children a little later in life, maybe mid-thirties. That would give us time to get settled in careers, explore the world, and decide that we really do want children rather than rushing into it because my biological clock is ticking. Adoption is something that I have always admired and I would love to do it if Christian and I decide that we want to have children.

So, what does the future hold for the Laws' then? Well, anything really. Working on the assumption of not having kids [or at least not for a good 10 years] we can do whatever we want. As most of you know, Christian starts school in a few weeks for Electrical Engineering. I was not previously planning on going to school because I was intending on being a stay-at-home-mama pretty soon after Christian graduated. However, since that plan has changed, I am hoping to start school in the spring and I have no idea what I will study. Perhaps Environmental Sciences, English, Art, Nutrition... I am really unsure, we'll see what I figure out in the next few months. We have tossed around the idea of living in a big city like Calgary or Montreal for a year or two after college as an adventure. Neither of us would ever want to live in the hustle and bustle of a big city long-term, but we think it would be fun to experience that lifestyle for a little while. After that we really haven't even considered. Our lives will go as they will, and we will try to go with the flow and enjoy it as much as possible. Obviously unforeseen things may happen, and we will be happy with whatever life brings us.

The recent plan of not having children has lifted a weight of pressure and stress off of both Christian and I; I think that means that for right now, this is the right choice.

This is not meant to be offensive to those of you who have lovely little ones or are preggers. These are just my thoughts an opinions. I enjoy writing out my thoughts and opinions to contemplate them and to challenge myself to actually research the topic. If you have opposing views or opinions, I would love to read and consider them.

All that really matters to me is that my future includes Christian, spinsters or not [Does that work for couples? Is there a term for childless couples who have ungodly amounts of kitties, puppies and goats?]